Suzanne Melroy

The abortion I underwent was back in the 70's & took place in NYC.I was engaged to [what my mother had termed as]"the most handsome man that she had ever seen in her life,besides my father!" I was living in another area at the time & had left there to go back home and make arrangements for a rather large wedding.
My fiance & I had been in frequent contact over the phone and everything seemed to be going allright concerning the wedding plans,etc....except that his calls were getting alittle longer between each call but I dismissed this as I had done previously before, when he was continually late while picking me up for our dates as one of my girlfriends tried to tell me that she thought that "there was something wrong but I just refused to believe her as I was young & much too naive for my own good at that time.Well, "one day I had just dropped the ball"...meaning that I had just discovered that I was pregnant and consequently...of course...I told him! I thought he would be happy as we were going to be married anyway but this is not how he had taken the sudden news. Much to my chagrin,his voice kinda fell off and I stopped hearing from him altogether. I can't remember who called who as this is part a blur in my memory due to the sudden shock that had ensued when he finally told me that he didn't want to get married.At this time;I had already had my Wedding Shower in which many beautiful gifts were recieved;made a down payment on my cap & gown and had sent out aprox.200 invitations and had already met with my aunt who was going to bake the wedding cake as this was what she did for a living.
Well, in summing this all up;no one was willing to help me out in a positive way or to keep the child as apparently,"this sudden development of events had shed a bad light on me & my family and had brought much shame and condemnation upon nott only me but my immediate family".This was dealt with by trying to hide the evidence through coercing me into getting -rid of "IT!" At this point,my family effectivly had done their job by brow-beating me & putting me down emotionally and utilizing humiliation tactics on me, until I succumbed or caved!! Everyone that was involved,ended up pushing me into taking that fateful trip.The road trip that I had reluctantly taken was not without "unintended consequences." The steps they shoved me into taking;that of having; "My Own Precious [Ange]l Baby"...the only child I would have ever given birth to... aborted... would directly effect the over-all condition of my health in years to come by first contracting Arthritis & then on to the more dreaded, connective-tissue disease,which is an autoimmune disorder with a major "Sjogrens" component
Now,fast-forward to today;
I am at the age of many of the "would-be grandmothers" who also lament what had happend to them as they are also childless. We watch the scores  of younger brides get married & have children of their own;single women with child [& children] carrying or pushing their babies in their strollers and countless other's with grandkids to love & hug and then be loved & hugged back by them... But for some of us...there are no hugs or the tremendous feeling of joy that comes from being loved and appreciated by a child of your own...there is only sadness,loneliness & memories of what could have been! 
Hence my newest poem: 
Let this be the lesson that was learned... to be passed on through the ages... by some older & wisened Sages... to those who heed the warning... that everything in life has consequences...especially when there are those implicit in the harming.

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